Carter's Story - Part V

Hey there little one,

I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. I still miss you as much as always.

Your Dad and I went to the Bahamas last week. While we were there, I kept thinking how much you would have loved it. Your Dad kept telling me that you were there with us but it still wasn't the same.

We stayed at the Atlantis Paradise Island resort. It was one of my dreams to go there someday! My boss, Katherine, gave me a FAM (familiarization) trip there so it didn't cost us much and I only had to work a little while we were there.

They picked us up in a limo on Wednesday, June 15th in Nassau. When we pulled up to the Atlantis I thought it was as beautiful as I had imagined. Wednesday night we ate at the Atlas Grill. We had a caesar salad and a turkey sandwich - neither of which was all that great for the amount of money we paid for them.

Thursday we had breakfast at Murray's Deli. I ordered a bowl of Special K cereal and a side of strawberries that cost $10! The rest of the day we spent wandering the Atlantis. The Atlantis is home to the largest marine habitat in the world. We walked through the Dig which is an area to view the archeological site and marine life of the lost continent of Atlantis.

We got to touch some stingrays in the Stingray Lagoon. I could picture you reaching your little hand out to pet the rays with your Daddy and I could see the look of amazement on your face.
They also have a few waterslides at the Atlantis. Two of the slides send you through the middle of the shark tank! You would have been so excited. Daddy went on the Leap of Faith slide on the Mayan Temple that is an almost vertical and shoots you through a clear acrylic tunnel submerged in the shark lagoon.

We got to try conch which is a Bahamian specialty. I think they made it for us in all ways that are possible. We had conch chowder, conch cakes (like crab cakes), and conch salad.
Friday was spent doing site inspections of the Atlantis, the British Colonial Hilton, and the Sandals resort. That night we went to the Radisson Cable Beach for dinner. They pulled out all the stops. On the menu was sushi (your Dad was thrilled), lobster, fillets, crab, etc. They had music and dancing. At the end of the night, they treated us to a Junkanoo celebration and escorted us out of the building.

Saturday your Dad and I went deep sea fishing. I got three barracudas! The largest one was probably 18 pounds. Your dad caught some skipjacks. They were smaller than mine. I win!
Saturday night we went out for dinner at Luciano's restaurant. It was across the harbor from the Atlantis. There was a fireworks show over at the Atlantis and so we got to see the Atlantis all lit up with the fireworks.

Sunday we went over to Blue Lagoon Island for a Dolphin Encounter. You would have loved the dolphins! They are so intelligent. We hugged them and kissed them and danced with them. It was a good time. Our dolphin was named Stormy.

That night we went to the Wyndham Nassau Resort and Crystal Palace Casino for dinner. We had lamb and lobster. Everywhere we had lobster in the Bahamas it was overcooked - bleh! But they had an awesome dessert bar. I had two desserts that night. Ha!

Oh how I wish you could have been there with us. I thought about you every minute (like always!)

Photos of the Bahamas trip are available here.

I love you forever, ever and always,

Mommy

Carter's Story - Part IV

Hey there little one,

Your Papa T.J. came out for the weekend. We kept pretty busy fixing up the house and running around town. He taught me how to fill holes in the wall. We went to a nursery and he bought a plant that looks like a stone. It's very weird. :) We also went out and tried sushi for the first time. Your Dad likes sushi and has had it before. I could never have it again and be perfectly fine!

I showed Papa your memory book. He brought a drawing of Jesus holding a baby that the minister at the Methodist church gave me. We found a frame for it and hung it by your picture on the wall along with the butterfly that Aunt Lyn sent.

Grandma and Papa also bought me a baby bootie necklace that has your birthstone on it. I wear it everyday and only take it off to get in the shower.

Today I wrote you a letter. Papa and I went and bought balloons to release to you. The balloons we found were perfect. They were red and said "I love you" on them. Papa wrote you a note too. We attached them to the balloons and drove up to South Mountain to release them.

South Mountain is one of the highest places you can get around here. You can view the whole city. The balloons went up and up and up. I hope you enjoyed them.

I love you forever, ever and always,

Mommy

Carter's Story - Part III

Hi sweetie,

Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you again like always. I'm having a sad moment right now so it helps me to write to you.

Sometimes I am so mad that you are not here I just want to scream. Sometimes I just want to put on my running shoes and run and run and run to let out some frustration. Your Dad and I went and toured a fitness center yesterday - hopefully we will join soon and I can start working out. I can imagine myself swimming and swimming while thinking about you.

Your Dad got his tattoo for you yesterday. I'm sure you will like it. Here is a picture.

I miss you and I love you forever, ever and always,

Mommy

Carter's Obituary

Carter's obituary appeared in the Chadron Record and Crawford Clipper the week of January 24-28.

Carter Devon Richardson, baby boy to Devon and Brandy Richardson, was born straight into heaven on January 12, 2005 at 11:10 a.m. at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Phoenix, Arizona. He weighed 4 lbs 1 oz and was 17 inches long.

Carter passed away from Ebstein’s Anomaly, a rare heart defect. Carter was 35 weeks gestation.

He will be lovingly missed by his family which include his parents, paternal grandparents, Sandi Richardson and Norm and Jan Richardson of Chadron, maternal grandparents, Todd and Lori Storbeck of Crawford, maternal great-grandparents, Dale and Donna Brown of Whitney and Clarence and Bonnie Storbeck of Chadron, maternal great-great-grandmother, Dorothy Storbeck of Valley City, North Dakota, Aunt Tiffany Storbeck and her daughter Paige of Sidney, Aunt Natisha Storbeck of Lincoln, Aunt Chelsey Storbeck of Crawford, Aunt Kodie Richardson of Denver, Uncle Scott , Aunt Malena Richardson and their sons, Brayden and Dayton of Chadron, Uncle Kendall, Aunt Crystal Smith and their children, Gentry and Whitney of Stanberry, Missouri and numerous extended family members.

Carter was preceded in death by his second cousin, Nicolas Storbeck of Crawford, and paternal great grandparents, George and Dorothy Harshfield of Chadron and Vern and Ella Richardson of Denver.

Monetary donations received will be donated in Carter’s name to fund children’s heart defect research.

I'll Be There!!

Daddy please don't look so sad, Mommy please don't cry.
Cause I am in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies.
Please try not to question God, don't think he is unkind.
Don't think he sent me to you, and then he changed his mind.

You see, I am a special child, and I'm needed up above.
I'm the special gift you gave him, the product of your love.
I'll always be there with you, and watch the sky at night.
Find the brightest star that's gleaming, that's my halo's brilliant light.

You'll see me in the morning frost, that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a gentle breeze from the wind that blows
That's me, I'll be there, a kiss on your nose.

When you see a child playing and your heart feels a little tug.
That's me, I'll be there, giving your heart a hug.
So, Daddy please don't look so sad, Mommy don't you cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus, and he sings me lullabies.

- Author unknown

Carter's Story - Part II

On January 25, we brought your ashes home to be with us where you should be. Our thoughts are to bury your ashes (or scatter them) with ours when we pass on to be with you forever in heaven.

I still miss you a lot, every day as much as the day before. Daddy and I are both not sleeping well. I went back to work for the first time yesterday. I will go back part time for the next couple of weeks to get past your original due date of February 13.

Sometimes I feel like you are still with me. I still wake up and expect to be pregnant with a rude awakening when I am not. At least I have a good metabolism and don’t look pregnant (I thanked Grandma Lori for that).

I’ve been trying to do a lot of things for you – as much as I know how. I made a tribute to you through this website. I put your picture in a frame with my favorite poem (one for home and one for work). I made a CD of songs that remind me of you. I scanned all of your ultrasound photos and Polaroid photos so that I would have them forever. I lovingly wrote your obituary – this was hard to write but I think it turned out very well.

Yesterday, I finally found a scrapbook at Hallmark to use for your photos and other memories. It is blue with toys on it and reads “Pictures to Treasure”. I was actually leaning towards a different one but I felt as if you would like the blue one better – it was as if you picked it out yourself.

Your Dad wants to get a tattoo on his chest in remembrance of you. He has some really cute ideas. I will post the final version here when he gets it.

We are getting a lot of cards and e-mails from everyone. Everyone at work wants to pitch in and dedicate something to your name. I will post it here when we decide what to do. Some people at Aunt Kodie’s work planted a tree in your name. Great Aunt Trin and Brenna keep a candle lit for you and will plant something for you in the spring. Great Uncle Tony and Aunt Kathy are going to donate children’s books to the library in your name. We are also going to donate some money towards children’s heart defect research. All of this is very special.

I miss you and I love you forever, ever and always,

Mommy

Songs for Carter

I put these songs on a CD for Carter:
Glory Baby - Watermark
Homesick - MercyMe
Hello, Goodbye - Michael W. Smith
To Where You Are - Josh Groban
When I Look to the Sky - Train
I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack
Angels Among Us - Alabama
Fly - Celine Dion
Angels - Jessica Simpson
Angel - Sarah McLachlin
There You'll Be - Faith Hill

Poems for Carter

Please Don't Tell Them You Never Got to Know Me

It is I whose kicks you will always remember,
I who gave you heartburn that a dragon would envy,
I who couldn't seem to tell time and got your days and nights all mixed up,
It is I who acknowledged your craving for peach ice cream by knocking the cold bowl off your belly,
I who went shopping and helped you pick out the "perfect" teddy bear for me,
I who liked to be cradled in your belly and rocked off to dreamy slumber by the fire,
It is I who never had a doubt about your love,
It is I who was able to put a lifetime of joy in an instant.

--Pat Schwiebert

My Baby Boy

Inside my belly you slowly grew.
How much I wanted you I always knew.
But now daddy and I are filled with grief.
Your time with us was way too brief.

I’ll never understand why we’re apart.
And time will never heal my broken heart.
But I’ll always love you more than words can say.
And I promise I’ll see you again one day.

The only comfort I can allow
Is my baby boy you’re with the angels now.

- Kristyn von Rotz

Dearest Mommy and Daddy,

When you wonder the meaning of life and love, know that I am with you.

Close your eyes and feel me kissing you in the gentle breeze across your cheek.

When you begin to doubt that you shall ever see me again, quiet your mind and hear me, I am in the whisper of the heavens, speaking of your love.

When you lose your identity, when you question who you are, where you are going... Open your heart and see me, I am the twinkle of the stars smiling down upon you... Lighting the path for your journey.

When you awaken each morning, not remembering your dreams but feeling content and serene, know that I was with you, filling your nights with thoughts of me.

When you linger in the remnant pain, wholeness seeming so unfamiliar, think of me.

Know that I am with you, touching you through the shared tears of a gentle friend easing the pain.

As the sunrise illuminates the desert sky, as the breathtaking brilliance awakens your spirits, think of our time together...all too brief... but ever brilliant.

When you are certain of us together, when you are certain of your destiny, know that God created that moment in time just for us...

I am with you always....

- Author unknown

Hi Mommy

Hi Mommy,
It's me, your Angel
just checking in with you.
I know you're sad, because I'm gone
and Mommy - I'm sad too.

It's beautiful here, where I am
-there's such a lovely view.
but mostly when I'm sitting here
I'm looking down at you.

I see all of your feelings
everyday when I look down.
I love to see you smile
and I know sometimes you frown.

But guess what? I have a job to do...
God saved it for your boy.
I get to watch over you
and protect you from the world.

So though you cannot see me
and I know it's hard on you.
You'll surely see the benefits
of the job God has me do.

- Author unknown

Dear Little One

We never dreamed you'd be so beautiful...
In all of the times we tried to imagine
every last detail of who you would be,
thru all of the nights we spent quietly thinking
of how we would feel
when we first looked at you,
we patiently waited
and silently wondered.
We hoped and we prayed
and we tried to imagine...
but we never dreamed you'd be so beautiful.

- Kimberly Rinehart

To The Child in My Heart

O precious, tiny, sweet little one
You will always be to me
So perfect, pure, and innocent
Just as you were meant to be.

We dreamed of you and of your life
And all that it would be
We waited and longed for you to come
And join our family.

We never had the chance to play,
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now
And listen to you giggle.

I'll always be your mother.
He'll always be your dad.
You will always be our child,
The child that we had.

But now you're gone...but yet you're here.
We sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy.
There's love in every tear.

Just know our love goes deep and strong.
We'll forget you never--
The child we had, but never had,
And yet will have forever.

- C.P.

A Man In Grief

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry" and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.
They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"
He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
but "stays strong" for her sake.
It must be very difficult
To start each day anew
And try to be so very brave --
He lost his baby too.

-Author Unknown

We Thought of You With Love Today

We thought of you with love today,
but that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday,
and days before that too.

We think of you in silence,
we often speak your name;
All we have now are memories,
and your picture in a frame.

Your memory is our keepsake,
with which we will never part;
God has you in his keep,
we have you in our heart.

It broke our heart to lose you.
But you didn't go alone,
For a part of us went with you...
the day God took you home.

- Author unknown